Talk about mind block

Don’t you just hate it when you wake up with a horrid reminder that there is an empty bottle of wine lurking around somewhere.
Oh and a huge phonebill yet to come.
What a shitty, shitty place and time. I just can’t break free from the chains that I’m in. All I want is escapism, even if that means a bottle of cheap shoddy pino!

It’s the impatience that I can’t stand. I want everything to happen yesterday. Even a minute, maybe a second kills me. The thing is. I have noticed it isn’t just me. It’s nearly every other person around me. I hate England. It’s all about rush, rush, rush, money, money, money, put myself first. There is just too much mind block around. Too much pressure and it doesn’t leave any space to breathe or take the world in. It gets worse every year and it is really starting to depress me. Look it has made me turn to alcohol for release 


Such a huge part of me wants to break free. But break free from what? I guess I’ll spend the rest of my life asking myself that question. I seem to have blown all logic out of proportion. But it’s nothing new on my part. I could have so much security in my life. I could be practical. But I don’t want practicality. I just want to be me and being me doesn’t come close to being practical. So I am stuck in this stupid rut rabbiting on and on.

I spend too much of my time these days caught up in awkward weird moments with uncomfortable settings. Is it just me? Or is just the fact that I am so super sensitive to the whole entire world that the tiniest bit of chemistry is enough for me and I can’t deal with it. I want to run for the door. My mind runs riot I can’t even find the breaks. I am ignorant. I am blue, lost without a clue.
All of my life I wanted nothing but to be able to get my point across, to be able to express my needs and desires.

I know I am an artist, I know I have the ability but that date is screaming at me in my head (8 November) and I am freaking out. Yes my singing performance that I seem to have attached so many hopes to.
It’s odd because I am quietly cool underneath my skin, I’m not really expecting much out of it. All I want to do is make sure that my right leg doesn’t frantically shake like it always does when I sing. I just want to look professional in what I do for a change, rather than feeling like I should pretend to be someone else.
Why can’t I just be me? Why do I worry so much about what people expect? Who gives a fuck! I am so sick rules and regulations , restrictions.
I guess it’s true. It’s confirmed. I am almost definitely from Uranus. I live a very uranian life. I wish people would just get that!

I can't believe it

I absolutely can’t believe what has happened to my life. At the moment my dreams seem too big and the chances seem so small but there is something within in me that just wants it all!

Last Saturday I got through to the regional finals for Open Mic UK. I will be singing in front of 2,000 people on 8th November and at the same time being judged. All I can do is try my best.

I had a tarot card reading not so long ago. I pulled out the world card. It represented my longing, my desire to find my place in the world.
That I really did “want it all” . Not in a greedy sense, but I guess I have always known that I am worth so much more than what I let on. But that is something that remains in the back of my subconscious somewhere. I am not driven musically by ego, I am driven by my determination to succeed, and to speak to the world. Within that comes healing. Music does heal our souls.
My ascendant (Gemini ruled by Mercury) is starting to show proof that I really am all about communication. Not in an obvious way. It’s my calling to speak to others through my lyrics, through my music. I guess I am a bit crazy, I am a bit weird. I have this sudden awakening in life. I really found myself spiritually and musically. Music is my only dream. But there is something about music that is just so incredibly heavenly and spiritual. Music speaks to us, it lets us know. It can send messages and turn things around so unexpectedly.

My website is now finished: Psyche26

This story reminds me of my current journey:


The Fool wakes at dawn from his long, restless night to find that the wild river has, at last, come to an end, quietly floating him into a serene pool. There is a walled garden around this pond dominated by roses, lilies and splendid, nodding sunflowers. Stepping ashore, he watches the Sun rise overhead, bright and golden. The day is clear. A child's laughter attracts his attention and he sees a little boy ride a small white pony into the garden.
"Come!" says the little boy, leaping off the horse and running up to him. "Come see!" And the child proceeds to take the Fool's hand and enthusiastically point out all manner of things, the busy insects in the grass, the seeds and petals on the sunflowers, the way the light sparkles on the pond. He asks questions of the Fool, simple but profound ones, like "Why is the sky blue?" He sings songs, and plays games with the Fool.
At one point the Fool stops, blinking up at the Sun so large and golden overhead, and he finds himself smiling, wider and brighter than he has in a very long time. Since he started on this spiritual journey, he has been tested and tried, confused and scared, dismayed and amazed. But this is the first time that he has been simply and purely happy. His mind feels illuminated, his soul light and bright as a sunbeam. Like the great Sun itself, this child with his simple questions, games and songs, has helped the Fool see the world and himself anew, to wonder at and appreciate both. "Who are you?" the Fool asks the child at last. The child smiles at this and seems to shine. And then he grows brighter and brighter until he turns into pure sunlight. "I'm You," the boy's voice says throughout the garden, "The new you." And as the words fill the Fool with warmth and energy, he comes to realize that this garden, the sun above, the child, all exist within him. He has just met his own inner light.

This is something I wrote recently:


Anonymous


Sometimes nothing goes our way
Sometimes we think about everything but there is nothing left to say
Sometimes I wish I could tell the world what I feel
But there are too many judgmental people
And nothing seems real

Sometimes I feel I am a genius
Sometimes I think I am not
Most of the time I feel indifferent
Most of the time I feel like me

What’s up with that?
What’s up with these idiots?
Their all too practical
Feelings are subsequent
Slightly irrational

Doesn’t do an awful lot of good
When you’ve been so misunderstood
All I can think about is wine
And my mission to find the divine

Sometimes I ask for a breakthrough with my gracious heavy eyes
Sometimes I don’t see the point
Sometimes it’s all just lies

Therefore I will remain anonymous
I will remain a saint
And earthly miracle with pictures to paint
I’ll become so much more like me, that everybody will see the reason for the beyond
The reason for the sea
The depths within the ocean are just a trace of my emotion
You won’t keep up with me
Because whatever I’ll be, I’ll be


I’m no casual person
My thought process just worsens
I get tied up in knots
It’s loosened vanity, it costs

What if the world went bust?
What if love turned to lust?
What if people weren’t really stupid
And what if I could dance with cupid?

When you hold on to something so tightly and it’s all too much to bare
You wonder what happened to Jesus
You wonder who really cares

If I am an original then what does that make you?
If I am so innocent
Then why does green seem like blue?
And why I am always at the back of the queue
Sobbing my heart out through and through

I am a true romantic, I am not a logical thinker
I’m forever caught up, hook, line and stinker
As I play with the runes and roll out the dices
I find infinity and tortured vices
My component is my glory
I am bigger enough to tell the story
If only you’d pull the trigger, we’d work out a figure
Congeal the face, find tact within space
If only I was that little bit taller, I’d feel the world getting smaller

Let Mars be my energy and Uranus be my freedom
Lets us think about churches, apple trees and mediums
Let us reach highs and let us reach lows
Let us find balance and bend down and touch our toes

Let philosophy shine through
Treat it as an art
Don’t let bitterness keep us apart
Let the wind blow hard and let the memories discard
For one day, I’ll be famous
And I’ll surround myself with flowers, I’ll remove obstacles and superficial powers
I’ll ground myself for once
I’ll simply pray
I’ll simply listen
I’ll be the leader, I’ll be the player
I’ll find crystals and glisten

And if those people still don’t understand
Then they can just bugger off because it’s I who’s in hand
It’s I who will stand
It’s I who formed the accomplishment and the band
It’s not detrimental
It’s got star dust, it’s got potential

You tube

VERY basic but here is the youtube Link for my song (Psyche26) It's not my fault

UPDATE PEOPLE!

Just a quick update. It’s been so long since I have written anything on here.
God knows why. I think it’s merely because I have been so wrapped up in other things such as my music.

Music is going really well. I can’t believe how far I have come now. It just seems a shame that it doesn’t get out there more. I feel quite wasted but it is really hard when you only work alongside a guitarist. My guitarist is excellent but he is more a songwriter than a guitarist and technically speaking what we really need is a band to support the material that we seem to write so incredibly well. I have a talent contest coming up on 22nd August and I have found a band to cooperate with, which is super fantastic.

Such a huge relief to let my inner frustrations out. All that tension and anger. People question my motives because I am so extreme with things and out of the blue but I can’t help but be out of the blue. I can’t help it, it is just so typically me and I love it. I can assure however, that there is a love song on the way. The “lighter side of Lindsay” finally emerges. Scary! I guess the real beauty of music comes from so deeply within it can be hard for other people to interpret what you mean exactly. Music really is a blessing and I feel privileged to be gifted with such an ability that enables me to communicate with the world. Not only that but I also have the inner knowing that it can reach other people on so many different levels and perhaps give them the reassurance that “actually it’s ok to feel like a freak and write things without giving a shit about what other people think” HA HA!.

They need that. Let’s face it, people are stupid, people are sheep and way too frightened to stand up for what they actually believe in. Why feel ashamed? I thought I did until I found ways of expressing what I truly meant. People come into our lives for a reason and we have to follow this through. Not everyone can think on such a deep level, I guess this is something I am gifted with. It has it’s up and downs but musically it works incredibly well.

The musical link between my guitarist and I is simply amazing and I also believe it to be fairly spiritual. It has painted such a huge picture around my life. It has represented who I am and given me the power to actually stand up and fight for what I believe in. This can be anything from the past to the present but it’s only within the last two years that I have begun to realise that an artist is not just someone that paints. The definition of an artist is someone that illustrates to other people exactly how they feel whether that be through music, writing or painting, the art within that story is in fact a beauty. Not only that but through art there is such a vast amount that you can pick up on from that person. The mood, the atmosphere, the feelings and emotions of that person. If it is not clear then you must paint it, you must write about it, you can even sing it! Surely that is the meaning of art? These things in life never cease to amaze me. So many people walk around misunderstood, yet as a gift they get given a talent, an art to express the way you feel.


The guitarist and I work well. He just seems to get my aggression and over-dramatisation of emotions. I guess if you are both fairly eccentric people then it’s obviously going to work. It is immensely frustrating that I can't play guitar. I am actually saving up money to buy a keyboard to help me put more music to my lyrics. It’s no good when all you have is words and a Dictaphone to hum your tunes in to. OK it works but it’s not good enough! “Catch me if you can” was written from my silly humming’s and also “what I think I need to know”. Bastard was an interesting story. My guitarist found an awesome chord pattern completely out of the blue (like he always does) and I suddenly found this outstanding melody by singing over the top of it. It was one of those moments where we both just looked at each other and were like “WOW this works”. I will never forget the song bastard. My most emotional song. When I look back I realise it was over such a stupid experience that isn’t even worth mentioning on this blog. But at the time my heart was broken and my rational mind was proof of just how much of nothing can be taken to such extremes and created into a beautiful song. “My quote “Through music we can turn some of the ugliest situations around into absolute beauty”.

My dad in particular hates Bastard and for very personal reasons I understand why. Sure it is not everyone’s’ cup of tea but in a perfect world everyone would be able to familiarise themselves with the dramatic emotions that us humans seem to come up with. And if it wasn’t for drama, nothing would be exciting anyway. Music is such a healing process. I can’t express that enough. C’mon, where would we be without music?....................really? It speaks to the soul and the soul craves it.


I still believe there is a huge amount of work to be done with my music. I am a different person on stage. But that person needs encouraging and also a great deal of development. Time doesn’t last forever and I am indeed starting to become impatient
I have my music on I tunes now. The album: “Can turn violent” It only has five tracks on there. The rest can be found on www.reverbnation.com/psyche26. I am working on a myspace page at present!

Please feel free to listen to my music. I am always interested to hear what other people think. Good or bad!

NEW SONG!

To whoever reads this:

Please feel free to check out my new song (Psyche 26)
My guitarist was excellent! I wrote the lyrics and got the melody and he did the rest of the music.... The song is called "What I need to know". It's about people (annoying parents) Or whoever! Just people telling me what I already think I need to know! It was all put together in the studio as normal.

Hope you like it!

Emotional trauma - (like fever)

I guess everyone goes through some kind of emotional trauma at some stage in their lives.

It’s only through experience that we are able to illustrate such amazing pictures. In fact , every time I get hit by trauma I know there is a higher reason as to why I am suffering.

When I think about my life and the experiences I have gained, good or bad I can only fit it into a logical sequence – it is indeed a realisation. If we didn’t go through these things we simply wouldn’t be able to say “I understand”. It enables us to have empathy towards others.

I think of emotional trauma like flu or fever. When we suffer physically, we feel down and deluded and all we feel is mist, murk and grey clouds. I guess it is a bit like being on a plane when you are travelling through the clouds (you can’t see where you are going but you know you will come out of it eventually). Like the moon card in a tarot pack.

Suddenly you come out of your fever, or the clouds you have been travelling through come to an end. The sun begins to rise. There is a feeling of clarity and relief. Things may still seem confusing, but that tiny bit of direction enables the soul to feel clearer. Like blocked sinuses – eventually they go.

You don’t want to fall back down and in reality you know you cant anyway - so keep going!

The time period in life is something unjustified and no one will ever know.

MY SONGS

MY SINGING!

I don't know if ANYONE out there still checks out my blog but if you do follow this link:

http://www.reverbnation.com/psyche26

These are the two songs I have written recently. I performed both of them in the studio! The vocals are me! Yes it is me singing!